Jacques's profile北欧的风,无言的雪PhotosBlogListsMore ![]() | Help |
|
北欧的风,无言的雪December 18 Traveler IQThis Traveler IQ was calculated on Thursday, December 18, 2008 at 11:29PM GMT by comparing this person's geographical knowledge against the Web's Original Travelogue's 3,446,225 travelers who've taken the challenge. May 13 A day after the quake昨天是美国的母亲节,一个还在上大一的小女孩提醒我,再忙也要给家里打个电话。她的高中同学大都去了外地念大学,纷纷托她在母亲节时给自己的妈妈买花,于是她就去花店买了一大捧鲜花。店主笑问她,你有多少个妈妈啊?很多,她笑着说。
于是给家里拨了个电话,聊了二十分钟。前几天老妈吹了风感冒了,刚刚缓过来,心情还不错,问了半天湾区的蔬菜水果种类。看上去家里人对母亲节没有一点概念,虽然不时想提一下,却还是作罢了,只是抱怨了一下最近熬夜很辛苦。
放下电话去实验室呆了两个小时,启动试验,然后整理了一下第二天去荷兰大使馆签证的材料。开车回到宿舍正好十二点,msn里浮出一条闪烁的消息:地震了!连忙上地震网查,震中离家200公里。打电话给正在上班的老爸,说是地震的时候老妈正在家里,现在已经跑到楼下了。我说,你怎么还在办公室呆着,赶紧出去。他说,不太严重,这就走。
不断的刷新地震网和新浪,5级的余震一个接一个。好在他们都已经呆在户外了,也就稍稍放心。走神的时候看到书柜里村上的短篇集《神的孩子全跳舞》,中英文各一本,故事都和神户大地震的幸存者有关,我尤其喜欢里面的《蜂蜜饼》,一直想着写篇读后感,还把“蜂蜜饼”加到了msn的标题栏里。回头看看电脑屏幕上的msn,那三个字还在那儿,连忙删掉了。
在电脑前坐到一点半,想想早晨还要去签证,熬着没啥意思,估计家里人晚上都露天睡了,应该没事。于是关灯睡觉,没想到睡得意外好,似乎还作了个愉快的梦,被闹钟一吵全散了。坐起来才想起地震的事儿,上网一看没有太大的余震。新闻里说已经死了近万人,许多学生被压在倒塌的教学楼下面。开车去荷兰使馆的时候,脑子里全是被困的小学生,不时提醒自己要专心看路。又想到签证表格里添的籍贯四川,不知签证官会不会提起。
荷兰使馆不过是一幢六层写字楼里的一个小房间,仅一名工作人员,便是接预约电话的老奶奶。她有一种英国式的刻板,强调精确与简洁。和她寒暄了两句,她便很不耐烦地说:怎么那么多废话?我问什么,你答什么!表格里有几项填的不够精确,证明材料里没有把关键句highlight出来,Bank Statement只需要有balance的那一张……她手上大刀阔斧的精简优化我的材料,嘴里一条条地教育我。不知为什么,我觉得那老奶奶特别可爱。
开车回了学校,步行到实验室,一路在想应该去Red Cross捐多少钱。上午接到好几个朋友打来的电话,回答家里都还好,多谢关心。实验室的人对新闻一向迟钝,似乎还没人知道。开着笔记本,做一会儿试验,刷新一下消息。到了下午5点,算来家里天亮了,打电话回去,爸妈都在家,说昨晚和姥姥、姥爷都在空地的棚子里睡的,刚回家。老妈拿起电话说,昨天地震的时候她吓坏了。当时一个人在家拖地,忽然看见天花板上的一条装饰线弹起来,然后似乎楼下有卡车经过。晃得厉害了才意识到是地震,站都站不稳,更别说从六楼跑下去了。她说当时心都凉了,一屁股就坐在墙角里,心想儿子刚才还打过电话。老爸在一旁插话说,家里楼层高,感觉很强,他上班的地方二楼,也就晃了晃,大家都没当回事儿。我想起去年学校里还有一次5.6级地震,当时在宿舍里,落地灯在墙上撞得咣咣响,也是站不稳,不过还没来得及害怕就停了。
放下电话,回到实验室的小间里调仪器。看着红色的数字跳啊跳,想起老妈一个人坐在墙角里,我忽然就哭了。
村上的书里没读懂的故事,忽然间我全懂了。
在一本写纳粹集中营的书里说:数字是最会骗人的。集中营的死难人数不是110万,而是一个、一个、一个……忽然间,我也懂了。只觉得肚子里一阵痉挛。
February 24 My favorite line in the Oscar tonightTonight we have three ladies who are pregnant: XXX, Kate Blanchett, Nicole Kidman......And the baby goes to...
Angelina Jolie!
hahaha January 09 New Hampshire Primary虽然一直在关注两党的党内初选,可到昨天看CNN的NH选战结果直播时才第一次认真听了每个候选人的演说。美国的政治家,个个口才绝佳,而Obama绝对是最出众的一个。其他候选人,无论党派,演说时总是面向自己的支持者,而Obama的每次演讲都像是面向全体美国人民。他在演说中极力淡化竞选的个人性质和党派观念,强调美国民族共同面对的困境和选择。他的演讲十分激动人心,Iowa获胜后的“One Nation, One People”演说就被媒体称赞为presidential,而昨晚的“Yes, we can”更是让人联想到JFK著名的"Ask Not"总统就职演说。但是,口才太好的人总让人怀疑其实干的能力,这一点可以从Obama支持者的年龄分布看出:18-24岁年轻热情的选民60%支持Obama,超过50岁的有阅历的选民却大多偏向Hilary。共和党中,John McCain显得老成持重、宠辱不惊,是一个让人放心的候选人,应该有不少保守人士喜欢。Giuliani原本在民调中领跑,但主动放弃Iowa和NH,选战策略令人费解。
总体来说还是喜欢Obama。昨晚Hilary虽然一个鼻子险胜,但党内初选不是winner takes all,而是按支持率分代表票。加上super delegates,Obama其实在NH还比Hilary多得一票。接下来的南卡,黑人占总人口的30%,Obama胜出概率极大;而在Nevada,今天又传出Obama得到服务业工会支持的利好消息。所以Obama很有可能在Super Tuesday之前领跑。他的竞选口号“Change we can believe in”吸引了大批年轻选民和中间选民,他们的选票将是决定胜负的关键。
一项很有趣的民调:有超过60%的republican喜欢Obama,而同样有超过六成的democrats喜欢McCain。相比之下,Hilary和Romney受到对方党派选民的喜欢程度均不到20%。真不知道最后会是怎样的Match-up December 12 色戒一个月前在Guild看了《色·戒》,回到家趁热上网学习了一下张爱玲的原作。一天和吴太太聊起,我说,李安在小说的基础上加了那么多对话和激情戏,结果把故事讲得更subtle了;倒是张爱玲小说里插了太多心理描写,反而少了些味道。吴太太回答说,你有没有注意到,在小说里,易先生和王佳芝都只在心里说,“他(她)是真爱我的”,却从没想过“我是爱他(她)的”。——仅此一句,我对吴太太的滔滔敬仰顿时又翻了一番。那时,我突然意识到,李安的电影与其说是对小说的复述或解读,不如说是他对故事的重新演绎。多读了两遍,渐渐看到了张爱玲的一双冷眼,而李安的电影里多少有一丝暖意。对于稍稍愤世但还不至于愤青的我,后者引发了更多的感触。下面的想法仅限于电影。
无论以何种眼光来打量《色戒》,三场激情戏总是无法回避的。走出电影院的时候,我脑子里就萦绕着一个问题:这三场戏,真的必不可少吗?作为一个看了完整版的观众,说出这样的话难免有些矫情。我首先坦白:我那8块钱的电影票钱有一半是冲着这几场戏去的,而且如果是在家里看DVD,这几场戏肯定是会反复放多遍。问题在于:这种感官刺激,到底是分散了观众的注意力,还是服务于整部影片?我个人倾向于后者。
首先,影片中的三场床戏是有层次的,表现了一个心理变化的过程。剧中王佳芝的任务是色诱易先生,那她必然要以弱势的一方出场,逐渐通过试探获得对手的信任,直到最后俘获猎物。第一场床戏有性虐的成分,王很大程度上被易当作发泄的对象,处于彻底的被动,但在易离开后她静静侧躺在床上,脸上的惊恐退去,嘴角浮起浅浅一笑——被易先生当作猎物的她,自此开始向猎人的角色悄然转变。第二场床戏尽管千变万化令人眼界大开,却已是两个人平等的交欢。第三场戏里出现了一个值得玩味的细节,王佳芝在上位的时候有意无意地瞥了一眼挂在床边的手枪套,易先生也明显觉察到她的这个眼神,(当时看到这里我很紧张),这个时候王突然用枕头压住易的脸,下身大动,将老易带进温柔乡。也许不同人会有不同解读,我觉得这是王佳芝为获得易先生信任的最危险的一步试探。按照易的敏感多疑和他以前对色诱他的女子的毒辣手段,当时他完全有可能一跃而起抄起手枪。
从最后这个细节里,观众明显能感受到王和易在床上激情之外紧绷如弓弦的气氛。所谓“食色,性也”。性爱本是人回归本原的纯粹状态,一丝不挂,也抛下一切凡尘牵挂;然而在戏中,两人各自戴着面具,心怀重重戒备,宛如战场上两军交兵,在给人以“窥淫”的心理满足同时,也带来灰暗厚重的压抑感。(写到这里,我想起本科时候,看见一个平日很色狼的兄弟床前放了一本法国小说。书名我忘了,仅记得是女主角的名字,且是两个叠字。我拿起书来翻了翻,那个哥么说,书里写了那个年轻女孩前后几次和人做爱,但每一次做爱他看了都觉得很sad。当时我惊异于他的话。)
影片的一大亮点是汤唯的表演,这在一定程度上得益于王佳芝这个极具张力的角色。影片中唯一让我觉得有些off的一场汤唯的戏是麦先生、麦太太和易太太一起坐车去中环。这场戏绿叶衬红花的意图太明显,一看就觉得是做戏。其实很多场戏里汤唯都有点太亮,幸好还有梁朝伟能镇得住她。
王佳芝天生渴望成为人们关注的焦点,也具备攫取众人目光的天赋,所以她一加入戏剧社便能成为当家花旦,扮演麦太太时也轻而易举地进入了角色。至此她演的戏都是令她欣喜畅快的,但和梁闰生上床改变了一切。
因为计划色诱,所以不能避免性关系;因为王佳芝没有性经验,所以必须要“训练”;因为只有梁闰生有经验(嫖过),所以他是唯一人选。一连串的因果链得出了让人乍一看觉得荒谬的结论,细细琢磨却别无他法。我觉得这是整篇小说的生长点,是张爱玲才情所在。
“训练”令王佳芝个人为整个行动预付了巨大的代价:贞操、青春和与邝裕民可能的爱情。于是麦太太的角色增加了重量,成了王佳芝生活的目的——这也是为什么她得知易家北迁时伤心欲绝,而后来在上海又毫不犹豫地答应继续参与行动的原因。
此后,她便在多张脸谱的交替中迷失、挣扎。出了易家,她是王佳芝,一个随时准备接受老吴命令的人,一个在旧日同学中抬不起头的人,一个在一切结束后也许会和邝裕民相爱的人;在易家,她是麦太太,是令一群阔太太感觉年轻的玩伴;在和易先生独处的时候,她是他秘密的情妇,是一个最终会令他丧命的特工,但偶尔也可以是他真正的情人。这么多角色里,到底哪一个才是她自己?
有人说王佳芝最终放了易先生是因为那颗粉红钻,这显然是把事情简单化了。如果一定要找一个具体的理由,我会把这个理由归结为易先生的那一滴眼泪。日本酒馆里那场戏是影片中温暖的一幕。我并不认为王佳芝的那一首歌是单纯唱给易先生,她也是唱给自己幻想中的青春。老易的那一滴眼泪让她意识到,他也许是她生命的第一个真正的观众,哪怕只是一瞬间。那是一瞬间的心灵交汇,一瞬间的裸身相对。
当她面对那颗光头十足的粉红钻时,脑海里也许涌起了整件事的前因后果,所有的面孔在眼前出现又消失,多少年的爱恨情仇,或许还有易先生的眼泪。最终,她抛开这世间身外的种种,把自己归还自己,把命运交给直觉。
快走。
我想把这一刻叫作王佳芝“瞬间的勇敢”,但感觉这个词判断的意味太重,或许“瞬间的自觉”更能表达我的意思。
今年第三季的Prison Break烂的惨不忍睹,但是里面有一句多次出现的台词稍有意味:“We’re just soldiers.”每个人都是棋盘上的一个士兵。人们往往只注意他们的黑白,却忘记这黑白假面之下那些各个不同的生命。色戒中的老吴是一个安排的很好的角色。依他的形象性格,似乎该去演汉奸走狗,但他偏偏是地下党。没有人会喜欢他,但你是否能像恨一个汉奸一样毫无保留地恨他?
《色戒》就像一盘棋,所有的棋子都被压在交错的黑白格之下,王佳芝更是由于命运的安排,夹在黑白之间饱经折磨,在本应是人性释放的性爱中反而愈加压抑和痛苦,最终从胜负与面具中剥离,成就了刹那的自由。对于我,《色戒》讲的就是这种悲哀。
最后想赞一下电影的结尾。刑场静默的航拍镜头之后紧接易宅钟敲十下,一切尽在不言中了。 December 02 昨天Big Game20:13 击败Berkerley, 坐在家里也能听见体育场里山呼海啸的。
Anyway, it was the Saturday of the football game with Saxon Hall. The game with Saxon Hall was supposed to be a very big deal around Pencey. It was the last game of the year, and you were supposed to commit suicide or something if old Pencey didn't win.
-- The Catcher in The Rye November 24 Labmate讲的故事据说是她的牙医在给她洗牙的时候讲的。这个牙医叫Viki,家住三藩。邻居里有个老太太,精神有点问题,唯一的儿子又因为吸毒而坐牢。她一个人孤苦伶仃的,只有两只很老的猫作伴,邻居们平日都尽可能的帮她。上个月有一天是她儿子的生日,想着儿子还在监狱里,老太太挺难过。不幸的是,就在这一天,一只猫死了。她抱着猫来找Viki,让她给看看。Viki说这猫已经死了,况且她不过是个牙医。老太太抱着死猫手足无措,于是有人建议她打电话给宠物中心。宠物中心说他们可以帮她处理猫的尸体,收费是60美元。老太太一听,觉得太贵了,决定自己找个地方把死猫扔了。第二天一早,她就把猫放在随身的提包里出了门,在街上找垃圾箱。她每走过一个垃圾箱都发现周围有人,一见有人她就不敢把死猫拿出来,于是就继续往前走。就这样走了大半天,最后她实在受不了了,决定去找警察求助。她找到一个警局,把提包放在大厅里,向一个警察说明了情况。一转身,提包竟然已经被人顺手牵羊了。 November 11 Fetter Fest(Fetter Fest: A symposium on Quantum Fluids honoring Prof. Sandy Fetter as he becomes Emeritus on Nov 10, 2007, followed by a banquet dinner in Four Seasons Hotel, Palo Alto.)
Since I came to the Physics Dept, I've seen Sandy around-- the tall, white-haired professor who walks with steady steps, quiet and always smiling. Those who have stayed here for over a year must have heard of the gossips about Sandy and Steve Chu, and no exception for me. These are pretty much all I know about him. Early this year, as a tradition of my research group, I went to Sandy asking him to be on my thesis reading committee, which led to my only conversation with him. After listening to me patiently, he agreed and signed the form. Then he commented on something that I didn't quite catch at the moment, so I simply nodded out of intuition. Walking out of his office, I suddenly realized what he had just said: Your English is very good! ---Jeez! How embarassing and ironic!
Anyway, I felt obliged to show certain extent of enthusiasm in today's event, more specifically, in the banquet. The symposium consisted of five talks lined up from morning to afternoon, four and half I'd missed. The last half that I attended, it was given by a thick-bearded man. I noticed he was leaning to one side in a unusual way and his wool sweater was awkwardly stretched. Then I found his left arm was missing, and probably so was part of his left shoulder. And he is an experimentalist! Must be very tough to get what he was presenting...
When my labmate and I set out for the dinner, we met the speaker in the parking lot. He held his paper with his teeth and opened the door. One stanford alumnus who carpooled with me said that this guy was a Nobel laureate...On the car, I started to regret my decision to go to the banquet. Yes, it's $75 dinner and I only have to pay $25. It could easily be the fanciest one I've ever been to. But to think of being in the same room with all the big names, among whom half a dozen Nobel laureates, I was more intimidated than thrilled.
When we arrived at the hotel, about forty people had gathered in the lobby, generally with white hair and dressed up, chatting and smiling to each other, waiters shuttling with hors d'oeuvres and glasses of wines. My labmate, as a ballroom dancer, felt quite comfortable with the occasion. While the guy who is telling you this story, wearing blue jeans and a black and white sportcoat, which was once referred to as "Skunk Skin" by Liu mingguo's wife, felt completely out of place. It's not that I don't have any formal dress, but I'd stayed in the lab until dinner time. How can you expect me to do soldering with suit on?
Fortunately, no one really cared, and all the professors had been sloppy graduate students earlier. An old lady kindly came to talke with me. She didn't go to the symposium and knew litte physics (Thank God!). We had a nice chat about travelling and earthquakes, which put me at ease.
Soon the dinner room was open. There were sixteen tables around the podium. After a brief introduction, Sandy's wife gave a toast. It's really nice to know he got married again! Following that, Sandy's pictures were shown on the big screen. Actually, it started with his grandparents' faded pictures, then his parents', then a set of his: being a baby, in high school, in graduate school, becoming a professor, being with his first kid and then with his grandchildren, now being retiring.....It was amazing to see how time flies and how the generations come and go.
The expensive dinner was served, but somehow I wasn't so excited. I just began to have a feeling that it was not what I came here for. (Still, let me list the courses in the order of serving: wines, bread, wild mushroom soup, filet mignon, caramel custard, coffee.)
When coffee and tea were brought up, the fun part kicked off -- the toasts and roasts (mostly toasts, of course). I expected it to be fun mainly because of the first speaker, Bob Laughlin--"Nobody knows what he's gonna do". ( Two weeks ago, in a Zhang Shoucheng's talk, Bob interrupted him and asked, "Come on, just tell me, if you oxidize the hell out of the XXXX, are you gonna see the same effect? How much money do you want to put on it?" Zhang Shoucheng replied, like a humble student, "If I oxidize the hell out of it....)
Surprisingly, although entertaining as he always is, Bob took this occasion seriously and was very insightful. He admired Sandy as a perfectionist, who can't tolerate any error in his work, which is a rare but precious quality in our time when everything seems volatile and changes rapidly, when the corrects are constantly mixed up with the wrongs. (It's quite a complishment that granduate students nowadays are still studying sandy's papers published over 30 years ago.) Bob gave us an example: once after reading Bob's manuscipt, Sandy told Bob, "There's something wrong..." "What's that?" "You misspelled a word..." "Which word?" "THE."
Bob also told one story of his own. Once his mom accompanied him to an international conference. On the flight back, she suddenly said, "Now I know why you guys are going to all the conferences." Bob looked at his mom, "really? Then tell me why?" His mom said, "your work is too lonely, so you guys need to remind each other that you're important."
After Bob, there were two more planned speeches and a open-microphone session. Here are some memorable quotes:
On Stanford's three Physics department: Physics, Applied Physics, SLAC
1. That might confuse a lot of visiting scholars, but it also shows how much we love physics.
2. The students in EE are coming for a training, the students in Applied Physics are coming for eduation, while the students in Physics are coming for a religious experience.
From Sandy's old friends who are not physicists
1. I've known Sandy for half a century. So, although I may not know much about the subject today, but I do know the object.
2. I went to college with Sandy. He was why I gave up physics.
On Sandy being an amiable gentleman
1. He might be one of the few men in the world who know everything, but he never makes you think he thinks he does. He is such a gentleman, but he never makes you think he thinks he is. He simply is.
2. I have to remind all of you that not all the physicists are as nice as Sandy. Some guys out there are aggressive and mean to students. (As I laughed and applauded, ATP's adviser Mark Kaselvich gazed at me with his oversized chilling eyes...) On Sandy's attitude on life
1. He looks at his life not as a problem to solve, but as a mystery to enjoy.
Sandy Fetter was sitting with his wife at the center of the room, listening to his long-time friends and colleagues talking about what a nice person he has been and how he has made their lives more meaningful. I couldn't stop wondering what was going though his mind. Happiness, gratitude, a touch of satisfaction and sadness, perhaps. A fullfilled life so far. Still promising days ahead. I turned to Rosanna, one of the staffs in our department, and said, " you know, I really wanna retire." She almost laughed, " Come on, you're the youngest at this table."
At the end of the day, I think I'm a little moved. It's the passion, the dedication, the sincerity and the friendship offered by an individual but also shared and held by a community. It's the things that one doesn't need to know any physics to identify with.
To sum it up, it was a religious experience tonight, and life is a mystery to enjoy. |
|||
|
|